I just gift wrapped bread.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
