Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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