exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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