neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
