i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
