I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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