I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
