I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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