Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Barsexuality is the new black.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
