do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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