hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
this hospital has no fireball
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
