No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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