Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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