im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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