If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
