you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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