Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
