how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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