Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
