I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
