I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
