there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
