i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
