he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
