Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
