His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
