I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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