i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
