i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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