The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
