did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
