everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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