She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Bring me that man meat
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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