My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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