im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Are we still banned from the library?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
