Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
