We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
