today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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