Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
