thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
