I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
