I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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