when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
