Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
