does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
