guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
