One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
