Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
