I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
