i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
