Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
