don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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